In my journal

Happy Christmas!



Hi guys! I'd like to wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS! It's Dec 25th and no matter when you are reading this I'd let you know that it's christmas time🎅🏼 but BRUH i've just glanced at the clock and notice it was already over. But still tho. Anyway.

Reading my posts made me feel old.. I'm now a senior on my last year of high school and of school in general. Do you know the strange feeling of knowing that this same time on the next year you would already be on a entirely different condition? I'd already be a college freshman, no matter where I finally gone to, or maybe I'll have to wait a year (or more)? Only time will decide. And honestly, I'm freaking the hell out.

This year had been a strange one. I guess that's the word to describe it. I was losing and gaining friends, going through so much hard time at school, learning to adapt to new environments.. yet all of it made this year memorable. Idk what I'll write here next year probs around this time but I'm looking forward to it. 

Next time I'm writing hopefully I'll already be accepted at my dream university (OMG PLEASE LET THAT BE TRUE, GOD). And hopefully everything has already been resolved. The next 6 months I'm going to pass is gonna be very hectic, so I'm using this short holiday time to the fullest. Tomorrow I'll be flying to Medan for 2 weeks tho. Wish me luck!

Till' next time,

Elsha xx

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In my journal

2016 Resolutions

Omigod hi. Sorry for not updating in a long time even tho I've downloaded the blog app on my phone hoping it would remind me to update more often. Turns out it had no such effect. Doesn't matter tho because honestly nobody ever read this and even if they did that would probably be in a few years or so.

I know I always said this in my previous posts but I sincerely couldn't believe it's been 2016 already. I mean high school passed me by in no time at all suddenly I'm a freaking junior. Seems like yesterday I was just being oriented as a naive young freshman and a year from now I've got to leave this school? Thinking about the future and universities stuffs scares me, actually. 

For now I'm going to reminisce a few things before moving on to write my year's resolutions.. because I realized I haven't made one and better now before January ends and it'd be too late.

December 2015 there was this live in thingy when we had to live with the villager for 5 days. It was better than expected and was actually fun if only not for my burnt skin. Bruh I was A LOT darker now😒 thanks to wandering around in direct sunlight all the time there. 

I spent new years eve on our hotel room. So we were having a Djava Tour with my family and we literally didn't do anything to celebrate new year. Not even watching fireworks or going anywhere. We stayed at our comfy big hotel room, enjoying room service, the superfast wifi, and cabel TV since we don't own one lol. My family could be very udik at times.

But the tour was fun, I didn't get sick on the road surprisingly, and we bought lots of stuffs (yay). So that's that.

I feel like this year had went off to a great start with having my beyond expectation rapport and for once I was actually happy. Let's take a look at the resolutions then, shall we?

1. I'll be able to drive cars by the end of the year! This is my main goal and the list would be as good as failed if this goal couldn't be achieved.

2. Have my own KTP.

3. Increasing my rapport, meaning it doesn't have to be perfect, it just have to be increased. Even for a little.

4. Finally making up my mind about universities and apply to as many as I wanted. 

5. Lose weight! Omg yes. About time I'm using the gym membership to the fullest.

6. Finish a story. It's been too long and my wattpad story had actually been abandoned for years. Such a waste of 4K readers (back then).

7. Lulus ngawan! Lol it's not like I could fail or anything but still I want to take this seriously.

8. Make my own money. I'll be happy even for only 1000 rupiah if I earned it by hard work.

9. Continue studying German. FOR GODSSAKE ELSHA STOP PROCASTINATING.

10. Take chances!!!!!

11. Save money to buy presents bcs lots of people turn 17 this year.

I think that's about it for now. Tenkyu for simply being there💕

PS: here's a photo of the birthday boy who just turned 20 today. I know he got this a LOT but still, happy birthday!


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In poems

I'd Have You


Good afternoon! First post in 2016 yayyy. So I'm going to post a poem that I found a few weeks ago, someone shared in on LINE and I thought it was really beautiful I even read it for God knows how many times. Credits to this brilliant official account called "Phospenous" who is now my daily obessesion!❤️

I'd Have You

I'd have you
at 8 in the morning
with your wind-swept hair,
and drenched cardigan,
wet from the rain outside.

I'd have you with your tired eyes
and raspy voice,
on school afternoons-
your red nose
and feverish skin.

I'd have you
and your loud lough
the one you hate so much,
the one I'd beg to hear.

I'd have you
when we were 21
and you find somebody new.
Someone brighter and stronger
than I-
could ever be for you.

I'd have you
when we're 25
and tears have flooded
your beautiful face
as you stand in my front porch
asking me
to be the one who stays.

I'd have you
when you're 30
and you find your dream
in a suitcase
6,700 miles away
as I wait for you in Manila,
writing letters
I would never send,
knowing you deserve better
than my flat words
on pen and paper.

I'd have you
when we're 41
when you pout away
all my defences
so you can fall asleep
to the mediocre poems
I wrote about you
when we were 17
and scared to take the fall.

I'd have you
when we're 59
and you can't stop fretting
about the silver in your hair
or the creases on your forehead.
I will tell you you're perfect-
still,
every single day,
until you forget
about the insignificance
the years
have made on your body
when your soul
has kept mine alive.

I'd have you
when we're 70
and dance with you
in a thunderstorm
with my two left feet,
even if our neighbors tell us
that we're 50 years too late.

I'd have you
when we're 80,
laughing, 
about magic and miracles
and making it this far.

I'd have you
when we're 87
and you smile at me
on your hospital bed
but cannot remember my name.

I'd have you
every day,
and every night,
for as long my heart will let me.

But for now I have to wake up
because we're 17 again,
and I was dreaming
when you jumped off the cliff
with my hand in yours.
And you are looking at me
with your eager eyes
in the middle of the cafeteria
where you have given your heart
to someone else,
as reality dawns in
like an avalance on Christmas day,
that I can never really have you
the way you will always have me.

"I'd Have You" - Ennamoured

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