Good mornite folks.
It's school holiday and I'm staying up all night because I just couldn't sleep and thought that maybe if I rant it here I'll be able to catch some.
WARNING: gapenting, terlalu lebay tp ini emg yang gue rasain. so back off if you're only going to judge.
Today had been a really bad day for me. It started out quite well, me waking up at 6 realizing I don't have to do anything today so I watched some movies. Then at 3 PM I had a music practice (kinda?) in my church and everything went not so well, but better than before in my opinion.
Overall it's been so-so and nothing had neither wreck my mood nor boosted it.
Until I got home, that is.
I went to play my laptop in my parent's room, my sister was laying on the bed but not sleeping. I told her to go to sleep yet she refused and started trashing around in the bed, so I paid no attention to her and put on my headphones. The game's started and I found myself quite engrossed in the game that I don't notice my surroundings.
Maybe it was for the excessively loud volume that I couldn't really catch my father's shouts.
I mean it was a faint sound at first, then I started to notice that it had nothing to do with my game. So I took off my headphone.
Turns out my father was calling my name loudly, very loud if I might say that it must have been noticed by our neighbours, he was ordering me to unlock the front door so he could get inside. I don't know about you but my whole family is Batak so I'm really used to loud calls and loud voices in general. But at that time it was much louder than usual, and I guessed it was because he was angry so the shouting sounded harsher.
Nervously, because I realized I had made a mistake, I answered his call and went outside. Briefly wondering though, hadn't my sister been awake this whole time? Surely she must have heard that loud shouts. When I glanced at my sister and saw that she's looking at me, I knew that she had heard him calling but refused to answer, instead waiting for me to do it.
Immediately I searched for the keys, answering my father along the way. When he heard me he became angrier, asking where the heck I might be not answering his call, and that he had been waiting for a long time. I told him I couldn't hear him, in a nervous voice. Then to my surprise, in so much fury, he spat a cussing word to me.
You see, my parents had never said even a single swear words before, moreover saying it to their children. Especially my mother which is too patient, too loving, to ever curse her daughter like that. Imagine my surprise when my father did that directly to my face.
I often cursed. In fact I cursed so much that the cuss word became offense-less to me. So when, for example, my friends said (excuse the words) "anjing lu monyet tai babi, setan emang," in so much fury to me, I would shrug it off and probably threw more back. Or just laugh it off because for some strange reasons, I found angry people amusing. Only my friends though. And sometimes my mom. So I'd be this annoying kid who'd laugh when they're scolding or cussing me.
But when my father did that, I mean the cursing thing, I guess I'm just too shocked to feel any other emotions at the moment. I dazedly unlocked the front door before went to my room. There I could process everything and realized what he had just said.
Then I felt so much anger hitting me. Why is he saying that to his own daughter over something so simple such as his patience of waiting outside thinning? Why is he teaching bad words? Why can't he be a bit more patient? Why didn't my sister answered it earlier when she clearly heard it? How can my mom cope up with him for all this time? How can I?
I started to think of evil plans, about how I'm never going to acknowledge him anymore, about mean things that you shouldn't ever wished to happen to anyone. Especially your father.
I don't know, that was just a real blow for me I guess. Am I taking it too hard? Does it normally happen in other family? such a spoiled little brat, I know, but I think the hurt he inflicted upon me will stay through.
Damn it. I should pray more.
Catch you later, hopefully in a better mood.
It's school holiday and I'm staying up all night because I just couldn't sleep and thought that maybe if I rant it here I'll be able to catch some.
WARNING: gapenting, terlalu lebay tp ini emg yang gue rasain. so back off if you're only going to judge.
Today had been a really bad day for me. It started out quite well, me waking up at 6 realizing I don't have to do anything today so I watched some movies. Then at 3 PM I had a music practice (kinda?) in my church and everything went not so well, but better than before in my opinion.
Overall it's been so-so and nothing had neither wreck my mood nor boosted it.
Until I got home, that is.
I went to play my laptop in my parent's room, my sister was laying on the bed but not sleeping. I told her to go to sleep yet she refused and started trashing around in the bed, so I paid no attention to her and put on my headphones. The game's started and I found myself quite engrossed in the game that I don't notice my surroundings.
Maybe it was for the excessively loud volume that I couldn't really catch my father's shouts.
I mean it was a faint sound at first, then I started to notice that it had nothing to do with my game. So I took off my headphone.
Turns out my father was calling my name loudly, very loud if I might say that it must have been noticed by our neighbours, he was ordering me to unlock the front door so he could get inside. I don't know about you but my whole family is Batak so I'm really used to loud calls and loud voices in general. But at that time it was much louder than usual, and I guessed it was because he was angry so the shouting sounded harsher.
Nervously, because I realized I had made a mistake, I answered his call and went outside. Briefly wondering though, hadn't my sister been awake this whole time? Surely she must have heard that loud shouts. When I glanced at my sister and saw that she's looking at me, I knew that she had heard him calling but refused to answer, instead waiting for me to do it.
Immediately I searched for the keys, answering my father along the way. When he heard me he became angrier, asking where the heck I might be not answering his call, and that he had been waiting for a long time. I told him I couldn't hear him, in a nervous voice. Then to my surprise, in so much fury, he spat a cussing word to me.
You see, my parents had never said even a single swear words before, moreover saying it to their children. Especially my mother which is too patient, too loving, to ever curse her daughter like that. Imagine my surprise when my father did that directly to my face.
I often cursed. In fact I cursed so much that the cuss word became offense-less to me. So when, for example, my friends said (excuse the words) "anjing lu monyet tai babi, setan emang," in so much fury to me, I would shrug it off and probably threw more back. Or just laugh it off because for some strange reasons, I found angry people amusing. Only my friends though. And sometimes my mom. So I'd be this annoying kid who'd laugh when they're scolding or cussing me.
But when my father did that, I mean the cursing thing, I guess I'm just too shocked to feel any other emotions at the moment. I dazedly unlocked the front door before went to my room. There I could process everything and realized what he had just said.
Then I felt so much anger hitting me. Why is he saying that to his own daughter over something so simple such as his patience of waiting outside thinning? Why is he teaching bad words? Why can't he be a bit more patient? Why didn't my sister answered it earlier when she clearly heard it? How can my mom cope up with him for all this time? How can I?
I started to think of evil plans, about how I'm never going to acknowledge him anymore, about mean things that you shouldn't ever wished to happen to anyone. Especially your father.
I don't know, that was just a real blow for me I guess. Am I taking it too hard? Does it normally happen in other family? such a spoiled little brat, I know, but I think the hurt he inflicted upon me will stay through.
Damn it. I should pray more.
Catch you later, hopefully in a better mood.
